Relationships

Do you even date?

photo source | http://www.fernlee.com

Congrats! You did it! The cute guy you met the other day asked you to dinner and drinks on Friday. *happy dance* But now here comes the hard part. How many times do you text him prior to your date? It’s only Tuesday! Do you pick the place or does he? What happens if he asks you where you want to go? You don’t want to be one of those girls who says “I don’t care!”. Is this your time to stalk him on all social media? What topics are first date appropriate? More importantly what the hell do you wear?

Relax. It’s a first date, not your wedding. Yes you do want to make a great first impression but at the end of the day, he is just a guy. A guy that you have no investment in. PLUS he’s probably just as nervous too. So sit back, take a breath, and do this!

PREP

Leading up to the first date can be very stressful and nerve wracking. On most cases, the guy will usually pick the place or activity (that’s if he suggests going on a date in the first place), this means you’re in the clear. If he doesn’t, I would do something simple but fun. Dinner & drinks are safe. They give you ample time to have a good conversation and get to know one another and it’s also fun! Movies can be tricky. You really won’t be talking that much in the actual theatre, so it may not be the best first date where you want to soak up as such info as you can. In terms of how much to text leading up to the date, I would touch base the day of to make sure plans are definite. Anything extra is up to you! If you feel that the vibe is friendly enough, go for it!

TEXTING

Girls are funny when it comes to texting. I’m 100% guilty of it. When I first meet a guy, I usually wait for him to initiate the conversation so I can gauge his style of texting. Does he use emojis? Is he sarcastic? Does he text frequently or is he a 2 hour response rate kind of guy ( my personal fav). Once you’ve figured out his texting style you can use this to your advantage. How? You now know what he likes and what messages he best responds to. Use and trust your intuition, it’s smarter than you think.

ATTIRE

Depending on where your date is will allow you to experiment with what fashion choices you can wear. If it’s dinner and drinks or something that requires eating, I normally go for jeans, a nice blouse, and heels. That way no matter how fancy or casual it is you’ll be good to go. In terms of makeup and hair, I wouldn’t deviate too far from your norm. If you go extravagant the first time you meet him that means you’ve set the bar that high and he’ll expect you to look somewhat like that from there on out. If you wear your hair/makeup the way you normally do and then dress it up as time progresses, you won’t have anything to worry about.

CONVERSATION

Everybody loves conversation where they talk about themselves. This will work in your advantage because you can find out a WHOLE lot about your guy. Plus you’ll have time to eat while he talks! Asking light questions like what he does for a living, what he did in college or in the past, where he’s from, and what he likes to do in his free time are all safe. It’s probably not the best to start asking about past relationships and what he’s looking for. That will definitley make him start to run.

GOODBYE/FOLLOWUP

You made it to the end of the date without having to use your emergency back-up plan where your best friend is in dire need and you have to go immediately. C’mon, I know you all have one. But now you’re faced with the goodnight kiss. Does he even want to kiss you? How long does this last? Is this more of a peck or like a full on make-out sesh? If you feel that your date went well and he goes in for a good night kiss let him have it! Nowadays, people kiss to say hello and to say goodbye. Essentially it has become a norm. Having a full out make-out sesh on the first date isn’t my go-to but hey, who am I to judge. Just do what makes you feel comfortable based on how your night went. In terms of following up for a second date, I am all about saying what you mean and speaking up. Girls always think that the guy has to make the move. But honestly, if you liked him and you had a good time just ask him to hangout. The worst he can say is no. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! “onto the next one”

raechow-2

 

 

 

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Lifestyle, Relationships

WTF is #Adulting?

 

Photo Credit: R.M. Drake
Photo Credit: R.M. Drake

Now that I’ve had about a 2 years in the real world, I think it’s safe to say that I am still in the beginning stages of “Adulting”.

What exactly is adulting? The act of learning to be a grown ass adult.

You know the kind that doesn’t rely on his or her parent’s bank account to fund their weekend activities. Or the kind that has to call the doctor to make their own appointments, file their own taxes, and grocery shop for themselves. Essentially, it is the act of trying to be something that takes a lifetime to achieve and sometimes you may not even achieve it! I’ve learned that in your fresh years of being a post grad is when you struggle with this “ADULTING” business. You all of a sudden aren’t told what to do, which leads you to try and sometimes fail.

This is a time for you to figure out what you want out of life. Not what you want to do with your life. I think that’s what people get confused with when they are thrown into post-grad life and don’t have any direction of what comes next. For the first time in 22 years there is no next step you are supposed to take. This is your time to spread your wings and pave your own path. This is the time where you are supposed to make mistakes, get your heart broken, break someone’s heart, or just bounce around.

It’s always said that your twenties are supposed to be the years where you figure it all out. But maybe it’s okay that you don’t have everything figured out. Maybe it’s okay that you don’t know what you want. We have to remember that we are all in the same boat and we are all trying to figure out this whole adulting thing. So guys and girls, give each other a break when someone tells you they just don’t know. Because that’s the beauty of growing up. We need to make mistakes and learn from them. We need to fall down to get back up.

raechow-2

 

 

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Lifestyle, Rae's NYC Guide, Reviews

Latino Street Food Happy Hour | NYC GUIDE

It’s 3:00pm on a Friday afternoon and you’ve just had one hell of a work week. You were just put on a new project, your boss hated your last draft of your article, and the guy you’ve been texting has been non-responsive after you went to dinner. The ultimate cure for this hell week is HAPPY HOUR. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good, cheap, and entertaining happy hour? Especially one in NYC! Problem is- where do you find these places? How do you find the best deals? Sure Yelp is a great resource but nothing comes from a first hand experience, which is why I’ve brought to you- RAE’S NYC GUIDE. 

Here you will find the latest scoop on the must-see/go-to places of NYC! Everything from happy hours, boozy brunches, delicious dinners, and clubs/bars- I’ll give you the insider’s scoop. If you have a favorite go-to spot in Manhattan, let me know in the comments below & I’ll be sure to check it out!

Last Friday, I headed to Macondo West in the West Village for a 6:30pm reservation with one of my best friends. Before walking in we had the mentality of downing some delicious latin-inspired cocktails & munching on some latino style street food. (yes, it was that kind of week!) We turned the corner of Bank Street and immediately saw the restaurant with it’s rustic appearance & colorful signs.

MACONDO WEST

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The restaurant was already filled with happy hour go-ers, but luckily we made a reservation and were seated at a table in the back by a window! As soon as we sat down, our waiter came over and showed us the Happy Hour menu which included drinks for under 10$ each ($7 cocktails, $5 sangria, wine & beer) AND latino food truck styled food (empanadas, tacos, guac, & oysters) all for super cheap prices. We were very happy! We ended up eating getting a glass of sangria each which was very good and ordered:

  • Guacamole & Chips
  • 2 Fish Tacos
  • 2 Braised Short Rib Tacos
  • 2 Beef Empanadas
  • 2 Chicken Empanadas

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After all of that we were stuffed and could barely finish our meal! If you are looking for a quick place to grab a bite, hang with co-workers or friends, or even go on a date, Macondo West is a great affordable choice! It has a variety of drinks and food and has a full bar if you decide to just drop in. The convenience of this cute little restaurant is also a plus! I’ll definitely be back but this time to try the $1 oysters!!

raechow-2

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Lifestyle, Misc., Relationships

Do You, they said. It’ll be good, they said.

be in love with your life

WHAT DOES “DO YOU” REALLY MEAN?

They say that some of the best advice is given from the people who are closest to you. It doesn’t matter if they have been through it or haven’t. Everyone always has something to say about something. In my personal experiences, I have shared stories, predicaments, or scenarios with people who I consider to be some of my closest friends and the advice I always get is, “just do you”. But what exactly does that mean? Is it just a phrase the cool kids are saying these days? Is it something that people say when they don’t know what to say?
Me doing me is what got me in this situation. Me doing me is what brought me to talk to you. Me doing me dug me into a deeper hole and now I’m stuck
A friend of mine had recently broken up with her boyfriend and the advice that people had given her was to just focus on herself and to “do her”. She too was confused by this. Doing you generally consists of not giving any fucks when making your decisions. It consists of being free and doing whatever it is your broken heart desires. Doing you is a cry for  approval from your close friends without being judged for your slutty actions. Doing you is a bunch of bull shit that we should stop saying to our loved ones. Because if you’ve ever experienced anything as deep as a true heartbreak you will know that doing you doesn’t get you very far at all.
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Lifestyle

Popstar Dance

Lately, I’ve been a class pass junkie. Yes, I admit it. I only started this membership not even a month ago & I’m already hooked! The great thing about class pass is you can go to a class and if you hate it you never have to go back ever again. No strings attached! If only hook-ups were like that. Hmm. However, if you do end up liking your class you can go back to that studio up to 3x within that month! I’ve done classes from spin, circuit training, trampoLEAN exercises, barre, and hiphop dance classes.

 Here’s a sneak peak of a Banana Skirt Production | Popstar Fitness Class – Ride by Ciara

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Interview Insider

What it’s like to be Unemployed | Interview Insider

LIFEBEGINSAFTERCOFFEE //Photo Source: @nicoley_woley

Once you graduate college, it is expected that you land a full time job with benefits, great pay, and in a field that you got your degree in. NEWS FLASH– that never happens. Yeah you may land a good job that has benefits and ok pay but chances are it’s not what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. It’s not what you dreamed of doing ever since you were a little boy or girl. I say this because most post grads don’t even know what they want to do when they come out of school. That’s the point of level entry jobs- to figure out what the hell you want to do in this world. To find your mark. From a person who has had 3 different jobs since graduation in May 2014, I am telling you it is OK and it will be ok.

When you first graduate, you may be one of the lucky ones to land a job. You finally have everything in order and are ready to take on the rest of your life– but then something comes up and life actually happens. Your company starts downsizing and before you know it half of your team is laid off and you are packing your things. shit.

This can happen to anyone and frankly it happens more than you think. Having your employer lay you off for any reason does suck but on the bright side at least they didn’t fire you and you got somewhat of severance. Am I right?

Nicole, a 26 year old native New Yorker, shares with us on how she’s dealing with unfun-employed life. Find out what she’s doing to keep herself busy and on track for her next dream job.

What were your initial thoughts when you first found out you were getting laid off? A lot went through my mind…first, relief. I wasn’t exactly happy with my job and saw it as a secret blessing. After the relief, I felt panic and sadness. As a 26 (almost 27) year old, I was starting to get my life on track. I was paying down my credit cards, student loans, and finally starting to build my savings. As a very career motivated person, I was also very worried that this would be a big career setback.

Do you feel that it was a blessing in disguise? Yes, as much as I don’t love not having a paycheck and not knowing what my career future holds, I see this as a chance to really do what I love. I was so beyond stressed to the point of a severe depression and now I am getting a much needed mental rest.

What have you been doing to eat up your time? I have been so busy! Besides applying to jobs and interviewing, I’ve been using this time to become a Classpass junkie. I also started taking a digital marketing course online to sharpen my skills and still try to stay relevant.

classpass copy

How is the job market looking? What tools have you been using to find yourself a new job? The job market is actually looking pretty good these days. There is never a lack of jobs to apply to. The only problem is, I have no idea where I want to take my career path so it’s hard to be strategic with my job applications. I mostly use Indeed, Linkedin and The Muse to find job postings. Side note, The Muse is great for career tips and advice so definitely check it out!

…but when I say I’m unemployed (well, I always say I’m FUNemployed) I feel like people pity me”

Do you feel uncomfortable talking about your current career status to new people or old friends? I definitely don’t feel uncomfortable talking about my situation, it does make me upset sometimes. It’s hard for me to put a high value on myself (in terms of success and intelligence) when each day I spend not working gets me further away from my career goals. When you first meet someone and they ask what you do, they’re not looking for the whole story. I don’t want to lie and say I’m working but when I say I’m unemployed (well, I always say I’m FUNemployed) I feel like people pity me. Most people actually say they envy me and want to be me but I can tell that they think less of me. Or maybe that’s just in my head but it still doesn’t make me feel great.

What is the best thing that has come out of this experience? I get the chance to relax and restart. I was so stressed before and now I am finally getting my life back on track. I have taken control of my health and have set up a nice routine for myself. I don’t love not making money or the uncertainty of finding a new job but this time off is definitely the most beneficial time in my life. I was going through a serious life crisis before and this saved me from a total mental breakdown. I also get to watch Kelly and Michael every morning again which is a bonus in itself 😉

 

 raechow-2
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Lifestyle

Be Selfish, Choose You.

BE SELFISH

 

When I look in the mirror, the reflection is less than perfect. It doesn’t make a difference how many times my friends and family tell me I look beautiful, because they aren’t looking at the mirror through my eyes, with my brain, having endured my experiences. The way others perceive a body as healthy, thin, sexy, strong, etc. are their thoughts and theirs alone… only you have the power to understand and welcome yourself fully.

It has taken nearly a decade for me to recognize the beauty in my own body. And it’s intriguing how this perception changes over time. When I was younger I was always too short, too muscular, and too tough. Well that little girl was determined to make her brains and heart known above all else. Now as a petite, fit, genuine adult I should feel self-assured and confident, wouldn’t ya think? But that just isn’t how it works.

From a tender age, children are consciously and subconsciously drenched in information about what his or her body “should” look like, what is acceptable, flattering, lovable, right. It’s overwhelming and frankly disturbing.

You only get this one vessel by which to live in the physical world. Treat it right, feel grateful for the wonders it allows, and live joyfully. It is a work in progress, always.

Just last weekend I came to the realization that I have not bought a single pair of non-athletic shorts in two and a half years… clearly I have some insecurities to face. I am not proud of that moment, but I am human. I actually cried. Sometimes it hits you all in one moment feeling awe-inspired and body positive, then somehow you realize that reality isn’t the same as the picture you painted in your mined.The mirror still won the battle. Fuck that.

My body does amazing things for me! Rejoice. Remind yourself of the great capabilities this temple has to offer and rejoice. You are not the television show, the magazine cover, your adolescent self, your mother, your best friend. You are inexplicably you. And that is oh so beautiful.

So I leave you with this whimsical note: An ode to you and your wondrous wrinkles.

Choose wrinkles. Every damn day, choose your natural beauty.
Choose tenderness and authenticity in a soft tear running down your flushed face or a snort in your laugh.
Choose the beauty that is you.
Yes, You. The essence of your life and the spirit that moves within. That, you.
Choose the four small horizontal lines that run across your forehead that show long nights of a furrowed brow searching for research articles and poignant reads.
Choose the wide set of parentheses that frame your lips that show lingering moments of laughter at the dinner table.
Choose the beauty that is you.
Yes, You. The essence of your life and the spirit that moves within. That, you.
Choose the three starburst crinkles that live on the outside corners of your big eyes that show hours of cheeks raised and smiles formed.
And don’t forget to choose your less than white teeth from years of coffee and wine shared among your favorite people.
Choose wrinkles. Every damn day, choose the mystery of your life and its’ stories written in the lines on your face.
And choose to turn your face to the sun, close your eyes, and welcome the open road ahead.
Choose the beauty that is you. That is your life.

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Relationships

Male Guide to the Female Brain

MALE GUIDETO

Communication is key. We’ve heard this countless times whether its from our parents, siblings, boss, best friend or ex boyfriend. Just kidding definitely not the last one (it’s probably the other way around). ANYWAYS, being able to have an open dialogue is what helps more relationships and friendships last and flourish. Now, this goes back to the basics. Females and males are constructed differently from their appearance, ability to analyze & understand, to the way they communicate. Men are taught that they shouldn’t express emotion. For example, when a young boy gets hurt his father doesn’t comfort him rather he tells him to “man up and get over it” which spills into their adult life. Women are taught to show compassion and talk about their emotions aka be motherly. Societal expectations construct our ideas/notions about what a specific role “should” look like which leads to the differences we have in gender communication. Either way in order to communicate, one must understand the other person and their reasoning for saying certain things or acting a certain way-this way it will be easier for that person to respond. But what happens if you have no idea why someone did what they did or what it even means. If you are a guy reading this post (hey boys!) then you are in for a treat. Here is your ultimate guide to the female brain. The ins and outs and everything in between to understand why your female friend/boss/girlfriend/sister, etc. does what she does! Lets get started.

1.LISTEN (ACTIVELY)

This has to be one of the most basic and easiest rules of understanding the female brain and all brains for that matter. Yes, most men say that they listen to their women but it’s more than just listening its actively listening. Women tend to drop many hints when they are expressing themselves (body language, sighs, certain vocabulary, or repetitiveness). Focus on our eyes, hands, and tone because once that is done it will reveal a whole lot more (maybe more than you bargained for). Try to refrain from looking at your phone or around the room. Yes this is hard and we are all guilty of it but, if you appear to be actively listening (nodding, asking questions, clarifying) it will show us that you are in fact listening which will help both of us in the long run. If a woman says something more than once that means it is important (so yes jot that down). HINT- Let us have the last word once in a while (it not a sign of masculine weakness) but more of an understanding of what we have been saying. After all, silence is a virtue.

2.IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY #SORRY?

One of the most frustrating things for anyone is having an unnecessary argument that goes on forever. Now, I’m not saying that women aren’t guilty of this because we are, HOWEVER a simple and genuine apology can and will go a long way. Empty apologies are just as useless or even worse than no apology. If you are going to apologize make sure you mean it. Don’t just do it to get us to shut up or stop crying—get down the root of the cause, understand it, and go from there. One of the reasons why arguments last so much longer than needed is because stubbornness gets in the way. In order to get through this in a fast and effective way, first refer to tip #1^. Listen to your woman to figure out what the problem is and how to go about it. It may be as simple as saying sorry & what you can work on. PLUS- this will give you brownie points and help you in further battles. (I mean discussions…).

3.MAKE TIME

One thing all guys can agree on is that women love to talk. More like, women can talk for hours at a time and at a rate of 1000 words per minute. So set time aside to talk with your woman and spend time with them. Yes this may seem obvious but many guys seem to lose sight of this simple task. We are not asking for you to spend every waking moment with us and to talk to us 24/7, but we are asking for some set a side time to enjoy each others company. Knowing that you are appreciated in a relationship can do wonders.

4.INDIRECT COMMUNICATION

Women are the queens of passive communication or thinking that men are mind readers. We may tend to think you know what we are thinking based on our text message or tone. But from much discussion with guys, I found out that guys normally don’t pick up on these indirect communication cues. So listen up! Women love to communicate indirectly for whatever reason. We will either be short through text (single words or single K-the deadly one) to convey to you that we are upset or mad. We may also shut down and be silent. HINT: these include not keeping eye contact, talking extremely loud or extremely soft.

5. KNOW YOUR PARTNER

One of the most beautiful things about a relationship is the opportunity to explore another person fully; to find out his/her likes and dislikes and to love them regardless. To know that they hate tomatoes but love ketchup or that they always need to make their bed before they leave the house. We are the way we are due to our upbringing, experiences, and the people we surround ourselves with. Personally, I grew up dealing with my emotions by shutting other people out. This resulted in shutting myself away from my partner when getting into arguments. Until this was explained, I was perceived as a crazy person. However, now I know I have to learn to talk about my emotions rather than shutting everyone out. It’s important to find out what’s important to your partner whether its spending quality time, giving compliments, or small gifts. You can find out which is your love language by taking this test here.

So there you have it. 5 tips to understand the female mind a little better. Communication between male and females have always been a mystery and somewhat confusing. All I could tell you is we are the way we are and sometimes don’t even know why. We may seem crazy, not logical, and down right insane but know that at the end of the day we love you (well sometimes!)

If you have another tip for how to understand the female brain or if you are a male and have a response, please let us know below!

raechow

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Lifestyle

#GIRLBOSS (In a different way)

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I’ve always been someone who believes that everyone is equal and capable of doing anything they set their mind to. Being a proud and independent woman has allowed me to grow and experience tons of new things. It has allowed me to take risks, step out of my comfort zone, and overall be happy. However maybe there is such a thing as being too independent. Afterall, we are biologically programmed to want connections & relationships. I mean it all starts from when you are a baby- you never leave your mother’s side or when you finally move out of your parent’s house, you move straight into an apartment with a roommate. That desire for a relationship with someone else and interdependence is natural. So listen up ladies, it is okay for us to be vulnerable at times, to want the presence of someone else & the support and love of another human being.

One of the funniest things that has recently come to light is the fear of one’s independence deterring away from them once they enter a relationship. Being independent and being in a relationship are not exclusive things. Being in a relationship should only be part of your life not your whole life. As a person (in a relationship or not) you should take that job in a different state, go to grad school across the country, or move to a place you’ve always wanted to live. Being in a relationship should not hinder these dreams but instead support them. There are still so many opportunities and ways for a person to be independent while still being in a relationship and to be honest that should be encouraged more. One of the most important parts of a relationship is the ability to balance between your partner and the rest of your life.

So why not give it a try? Women learn to be vulnerable and accept that although we love to be a #GIRLBOSS it’s okay for us to lean on someone else. Men: stop being cowards and quit using the excuse of losing your independence when you enter a relationship because clearly it isn’t the case.

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Lifestyle

You Must Be Open, To Being Open

summer deals!

When I chose to go to college in the Midwest, I didn’t know a single soul in Cincinnati.  I didn’t know anyone in the entire state of Ohio actually. There was not even a student from my high school at the same university I could pretend I knew.  I was taking a chance on a new city, and a new experience.  Nearly six years later and I find myself in just about the same spot. I recently completed my clinical rotations for graduate school in two cities where I know a total of maybe five people. As an extrovert, I like to keep it interesting and seek out such opportunities. I know I acquire energy from being connected with others; people are everywhere you turn, so why not find energy in meeting new ones and staying connected with old ones? Aha.

There have been many layers to my home away from home experiences.  Each new locale and even the same city at different chapters in my life have brought a variety of growing edges.  There are so many questions to consider and boxes to check, ranging from housing and work, to activities and events.  One doesn’t need to be overly outgoing to have fun while moving around, but you must be open to being open- the opportunities are endless and the experience is expansive. You never know where you may meet someone or try something new. Also, important side note, I highly recommend first off, traveling everywhere with camera in hand, and secondly, keeping a journal to document all of the adventure that comes with living joyfully.

Though I have learned how to eat healthier (don’t worry you can still win me over with wine, cheese, and chocolate) and cook on a budget, find peace in a Friday night at home, and sit at a bar by myself  during my solo adventures, those are not the things I would point out to others. What I have learned, what I have fostered, is gratitude. I have challenged myself to find optimism in the small hiccups along the way, and give thanks for the exploration before me. There is nothing more liberating than to let everything familiar unfold and bask in thanks.  This is not an easy thing to do, let’s be real here. When I write about it, it all sounds elegant and graceful.  It has not been either of those things.  The journey has been messy and terrifying and full of anxious tears. It has been countless deep breaths, tossing in bed, and lonesome hikes. But in reality, this whirlwind has been an opportunity to come alive.  To realize and embrace this notion comes in small doses of great light, and is a mantra that requires commitment and faith.  Gratitude is an everyday intention, a practice.  And no, I will not say I’m reinventing myself. Don’t reinvent. Become more yourself than you ever have been before, be more true and raw with your soul, and be authentic and genuine in everything you do. That is grace. So raise a glass to another circle around the sun, the evolution of the year 2016. New year, same you.  The same you who is dedicated to living in gratitude, who is determined to dedicate time and energy to meaningful relationships, who is excited for adventure- that you, with a rejuvenated soul. When you dwell in such a place where graceful is not what you are, but rather, who you are, you are presented with the opportunity to welcome anything and everything with gratitude.  Gratitude is empowering. You are empowered.

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 – Breezy
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